Sometimes, the people around us that are suffering the most can look outwardly well. And other times, there are signs that they are struggling that we can all attune to recognise.
Many of us don’t know how to ask for help. And often, we feel uncomfortable asking people around us very personal questions about their wellbeing. Asking the right question can be like opening a door for someone you love. Suicidal ideation (fantasizing about dying) is very common especially when a person is struggling with anxiety or depression. Suicidal ideation can also be a side effect of some medicines, when we start anti depressant medicines, these can often cause more suicidal thoughts. Checking in with those that you care about and asking:
“Are you thinking about hurting yourself or dying?” can be a healing dialogue. When we name our pain, its easier to separate from it and find a way through or around.
Signs someone may be suicidal:
- Listen for signs
- Talking about feeling hopeless, trapped, or like a burden
- Saying things like “I can’t do this anymore” or “Everyone would be better off without me”
- Expressing no reason to live or no future to look forward to
- Talking about death or wanting to disappear
Look for behaviours
- Withdrawing from friends, family, or usual activities
- Noticeable changes in sleep, appetite, or energy
- Increased use of alcohol or drugs
- Giving away possessions or saying goodbye in unusual ways
- Loss of interest in work, hobbies, or relationships
- Taking unusual risks or showing reckless behaviour
Observe feelings
- Persistent sadness or depression
- Intense loneliness or isolation
- Anxiety, agitation, or feeling overwhelmed
- Anger, shame, or humiliation
- Emotional numbness or feeling “empty”
When to be especially concerned
- Any mention of suicidal thoughts or self-harm
- A sudden calm after a period of distress
- Multiple signs occurring together
Noticing these signs doesn’t mean you have to have all the answers. Asking about suicide or self-harm does not put the idea into someone’s mind; it can open the door to relief, honesty, and support.
If someone mentions suicidal thoughts, they need an urgent mental health assessment and professional help. In South Africa, suicide remains a leading cause of unnatural death.
Trust your instincts. Listen without judgement. You don’t have to do this alone.
📞 24-Hour Suicide Crisis Helpline (SA): 0800 567 567
Awareness, compassion, and courage can save lives.
